I am so relieved! For my entire life, I have attributed the thought that “golf is a good walk spoiled” to Mark Twain, but thankfully (according to the Web), he apparently never said it. I thought about that quote all morning as I wandered the fairways of Indian Hills, a perfectly average public golf course in Fort Pierce. Mostly I thought about how much I hated the idea of disagreeing with Mark Twain about anything, and golf is assuredly NOT a good walk spoiled. It is a wonderful way to wile away a few hours in a state of blissful relaxation … if you approach it with the right attitude.

The right attitude begins with an acceptance of reality. 1) Golf is hard! Ted Williams once said that he had no idea it could be so hard to hit a ball that isn’t moving. 2) Golf takes practice. At 4 or 5 hours a round and fees of $30 up to hundreds, who has the time or patience to get really good? Not me! 3) Golf requires a fair amount of athleticism: strength, balance, and hand-eye coordination. I possess none of those.

To my friends who have their competitive juices ramp up on the course, my sympathies. (You know who I am talking about, Matt M, but I can’t wait to get back out on the course with you!) The game is simply too hard to master.

My brother Joe calls golf “urban fishing.” I agree wholeheartedly. You don’t go fishing to catch fish. You go fishing to hang out on the water in a state of totally chill relaxation, taking in nature and forgetting about reality. Catching fish is a bonus … a “lagniappe” in the language of south Louisiana.

I have also come to equate golf with a good game of cribbage. Unlike bridge or chess, cribbage players rarely care who wins; the game is a tapestry of beautiful patterns and unexpected combinations. Unlike poker or gin, there is rarely much at stake. A few of my cribbage partners play for $1 a game; the others just play for fun. Rebecca and I try to get in at least one game every day just for the sheer pleasure of it.

Golf is a game to be savored, despite its astounding difficulty. I have been playing for just over 50 years. For all practical purposes, I am no better and no worse than I was 50 years ago. I will never learn how to play the game. On two consecutive holes today, I had short shots to the green, both over sand traps, one about 25 yards and the other about 75 yards. The short one went about 15 yards at a perfect 90˚ angle to the direction of my swing, staying safely on the far side of the trap. The long one stopped 4 inches from the hole. What’s up with that?

The weather was perfect. The birds were plentiful, magnificent, and highly entertaining. The greens were true and in terrific shape. The long walk felt great. The guy I played with, though boring, was really nice. My only complaint is that my right hand started sweating so my grips got slippery. It’s my own damn fault for not having new grips.

I plan to play fairly often on this trip … which in my case means a couple of times a month. My brother Joe and I will do some urban fishing while we are together. My brother-in-law in Arizona lives in a development with 3 courses, so I hope to play there every day.

Many years ago, I realized that I am basically a double-bogey golfer. Today, I shot one-under double bogey … but I had some real beauties, and my putting was deadly: my length was right on, and inside about 2 feet, I couldn’t miss.

Regardless of when or where the next round happens, I am already excited about it. It will be a good walk, and nothing about it will be spoiled, no matter how lousy I shoot.